Sometimes a book takes you by surprise. The pages speak to you, laying everything out and leaving nothing unturned. You read, and you have to take breaks in between because there is so much familiarity that it’s dizzying. It speaks your truth, unabridged and unfiltered.
That’s what this book was for me.
I’m Fine and Neither Are You. This one was another freebie from Amazon Prime. To be honest, I didn’t read the description when I chose it. I liked the title. To me, it captured the theme of depression. I feel like a lot of the time, people who are going through some stuff will say that they are just fine when really, they are so far from it. A+ on that title game.
I only had one issue with the book, and it’s a little complicated. I didn’t like the way it was written.
Let me back that up.
I think it was written the best way it could be POV-wise. Third person wouldn’t do well to show the raw emotion the main character, Penny, goes through at the loss of her best friend. It just wouldn’t be the same story. I don’t think there was too much dialogue, and I think the pacing was good. It was fine for what it had to offer. My main problem lies in the fact that I did not like Penny very much as a character, and a big part of that is unfair to say on my part, because my reasoning isn’t a solid problem with the author’s (Camille Pagán, btw) writing style or voice or some editing issues or anything like that.
I didn’t like Penny because I saw a lot of myself in her. And as everyone who knows me would tell you, no one hates me more than me (sometimes I’m joking sometimes I’m not but it is what it is). So to see my own thoughts and worries and keeping to ridiculous expectations and losing battles just trying to keep the peace was, to me, disgusting. Vulgar, even. Problems I’m having in my own life are just laying there in print (or pixels if you wanna get technical on me) (pretty sure you can buy a physical copy of it, though) for the world to see. Make sense?
That being said, while I hated the main character, I think she was well written. I think the pacing of her mind in any given situation is right on par for what a real person (ahem, me) would be thinking. Her insecurities and pushing boundaries and inherent need to get out of her current life are believable, and let’s be honest here, believability of a character is one of, if not the most, important element of a story. I think it’s important to keep in mind that you don’t have to like the protagonist. In fact, I think a semi-unlikeable protagonist is better than one everyone loves, if only because their character is usually more complex, and as a result, more interesting. While I did not like Penny, she definitely piqued my interest.
Okay case closed we get it we get it.
There’s one more point I wanted to touch on briefly before closing this one out (minor spoiler alert):
Suicide. Suicide and how it effects the ones around us. Suicide and how hard it is to be upfront with what happened and how hard it is to cover it up. While there is no real way of knowing whether or not Penny’s friend’s death was premeditated or just a bad mistake, it doesn’t change the outcome. It leaves so many questions unanswered for the ones left behind, and it’s not fair for them.
I read this book when I was at a bit of a low point. I was dealing with issues at work and at home and myself. I was overwhelmed with the need to run away from everyone by any means necessary. I don’t know if I meant to go down the road of considering self-harm yet, but left unchecked, I would have. Life can get overwhelming when you set such a high standard for yourself, and if you’re left in your head for too long, things get messy. It’s hard to explain what you need or the logic of your thoughts to anyone else, because that’s a mystery even to you.
I’m not going to say that this book saved me. That would be a blatant lie. But it did get my mind turning in a different direction. Seeing my thoughts coming from a book from a stranger was a weird, tough love sort of eye opener.
Confused? It’s okay. Me too.
Overall, this book hit home in a lot of different ways. It’s one that I’ll likely read again when I’m in a better place emotionally, namely to see if my opinion of Penny has changed at all. I give the book a 7/10. I give Penny a -5/10. Just don’t like her, yo.
Have you ever read a book that you liked, even though you didn’t care for the protagonist?
Manda Kay Writes 