adventures of an introvert – Manda Kay Writes

Hey there, void. It’s ya girl.

You may have noticed that I skipped out on the last bi-weekly post. And you may have noticed that I came back expecting to be accepted back into your mobile devices with open arms. I have a reason for skipping. And it’s a good one, too. But, because I want to keep you suspense (and because I want you to read about the my awesome year and explain why things are going to slow down for a while) I’m going to wait until the very end of this post to tell you. You could cheat and scroll all the way down, but just…just don’t. Okay? Deal?

Sweet.

Let’s look at my past year in list form! Woot!

January
Made our first big purchase as a couple. We got a couch and an oversized chair that is a bit too big for our apartment living room, but it was a huge upgrade from the couch we got for free from another random tenant we didn’t know, so bonus.
February
Went to see Panic! at the Disco with my bestie. We stood in line for what felt like a century and missed the first act of the night, but it was worth it for band merch. Our seats were high up in the air, so a little bit scary for a scurred little thing such as myself, but damn is it ever amazing how quickly you forget that one slight misstep will lead to your imminent doom when the show started. Awesome show all the way around.
March
Cool writing things month. I submitted the first chapter of my novel for a writing contest. I did not win, but I did find a few people who liked it and wanted to see more. I also submitted a short mobile-based story to an app called Peek’d. It was by no means my best work, and I did not have high hopes for it, but it did win first place!
April
Celebrated our 10^th anniversary by going out of town and staying in a hotel and doing basically nothing. I think the only time we left the place was to go to the Squirrel Cage Jail in Council Bluffs (10/10 recommend whether you’re ghost enthusiast such as myself or a history buff or just if you want to see something as unique as a rotating prison).
May
Ren Fair with my girls. This time around I was a plague doctor and walked around with a balloon that said ‘Get Well Soon.’ Plus, I got to watch a hilarious rendition of Hamlet my bestie was in, including a perfectly-timed prop mishap involving a tombstone, wind, and a conveniently placed dead Ophelia. Everyone stayed in character, and me and my group died. Luckily I was there to save us. Yanno…with the balloon…eh? Eh?!? Eh…
June
Game Grumps Live, babyyy! We got VIP tickets, so some extra merch and early entry, which is good and all, but the part I was most excited for was the preshow where Dan and Arin came out and did a little Q&A with the crowd. The show itself is great, but the casual style of the beginning won me over. Sadly, Dan did not notice my Ghost shirt. In retrospect, that’s probably a good thing? If he did, I don’t think I would have known what to say back, and I embarrass myself enough without the help of people I admire, thank you very much.
July
Vegas trip with the girls. If I had to pick my favorite part, it would be the late night adventures we went on, buzzed and getting more lost by the second. It’s fun walking through the expensive ritzy areas and peeking through the shop windows without the expensive ritzy people rolling their eyes at you. I’ve been to Vegas a few times already, but it’s a completely different experience going with work friends as opposed to going with your significant other. Definitely a higher chance of getting into trouble. 😉
August
It’s not very often a rock band comes into town from the big city, so when I heard that Trapt was going to do a show, I was all over that. I brushed up on all their songs, got all beautified with a fresh side shave, and practically ran to the front of the stage. And I got to say, after seeing them live…I liked the opener bands better. There was some technical issues with the equipment so the sound kept cutting out and I guess everyone was getting feedback in their speakers, but I think it’s all in how you handle it. The more local bands brushed it off and had a good time. The lead singer of Trapt was kind of douchy, as in yelling at the stagehands while they tried to fix the audio. I get it. It must have been frustrating. But cussing out your help is no way to win over your fans. Fuck that noise. I don’t consider this necessarily a highlight of the year, but it was a thing, so there’s that. Can win them all.
September
It Chapter Two came out in theaters. I saw it three times. For some reason I don’t own the physical copy yet even though it came out before Christmas? Eh, I’ll fix that soon enough. I think the second installment gets too much flack. While it’s not as scary as the first one, I don’t think it was meant to be. The Loser’s Club is all grown up now, and so their fears have evolved into normal grown-up fears having everything to do with abandonment and acceptance and nothing to do with fucked up flute lady and general clown nonsense. It was great. Richie crying at the end gets me every fucking time. Ugh the tears were real. Also, I took my sister out for her birthday and got her wasted. We could have gotten into some awesome trouble, but her husband met us and killed our vibe. Lamesauce. But a fun night all the same.
October
Wanna talk about a busy month? The first week, I took my mama to Denver to meet Joe Hill in person. I detail the experience in my post here. Couple weeks later, my boyfriend and I went to see Starset. For this one, we also did VIP, which included food, merch, an acoustic show where I played hide-and-seek with the drummer for a bit, and a photo with the band. Seeing them was just what we needed after the atrocity that was Trapt. If you ever have the chance to see them in concert, do it. VIP? Do it even more. It’s cheap for VIP, and there’s so much involved with it. The band is amazingly nice, and they have a doggo, so win. The last week of October, I celebrated my 30^th with a Death Day celebration, a funeral for my 20s if you will. Immediately after that, I headed to the bestie’s for a couple days and saw Phantom of the Opera for the third time in my life. I’ve gotta say, every time I see it, it gets better. I was in tears when we left I was so happy. That show has and always will be my favorite, and I can’t wait to see it again.
November
Viva Las Vegas, yo! This time, I went with my boyfriend. While we were there, we went to SEMA (moreso his thing than mine) and to Lost Vegas at the Neon Museum (moreso my thing than his). And, of course, there was a hell of a lot of gambling. Gotta get it out of my system while I can, yo. We came out of it with a load of free shit and a good chunk of money left over. Highlight: Seeing a life-sized Robot Boy. I have the miniature version of him and I love him. J
December
Other than general holiday-ness going on, I got to spend a brief while with the bestie to have a nice little gift exchange and a lot of naps. ❤

2019 was absolutely amazing, and freakishly busy. You may be wondering, “Manda, that’s cool and all, but where is the reason for not posting? Where is the reason for the hectic?” Well, void, I have some news. Firstly, we are in the process of getting a loan to get a house, which is a lot of paperwork and a lot more stress. This is HUGE. It’ll be our first house and our first joint-loan. It’s kind of a special situation—I won’t get into the details right now—so we’ve been packing and cleaning both our apartment and the new place whenever we’ve had a spare moment between work and talking to the bank.

Secondly, as of the 23^rd of December, I am engaged! After ten years of dating, we are official! We are going to take the whole marriage thing kinda slow because of the whole house situation, so we are looking at 2021 tentatively for a date. Rest assure, I’ll probably post updates here and there in between book reviews and other general nonsense.

So, there you have it. 2019, you were fun while you lasted. Lots of ups and plenty of downs. A few joyful hellos and a handful of heart-breaking goodbyes.

How was your year? Did you float on through or did you hold on by your teeth? Any advice for a new home owner and bride-to-be??? Leave a comment and let me know!!

God fucking damnit I wish I wasn’t an anxious mess 90% of the time.

Let me back up.

I like to think of myself as a chill person. Easygoing. Friendly. You know the type. I aspire to be a stoner without the stoning. Feel me? And I feel like I am. It’s just on the outside, though. I internalize every anxiety I have until it becomes less “chill” and more “complete shut down.” Just don’t pay attention to what my hands are doing, and I’ll have you fooled.

Introverting at its finest, I suppose?

Fast forward.

I was browsing though Facebook one day only to see that Joe Hill was doing a book tour, and he would be coming to Denver, which is several hops, skips, and jumps away, but definitely doable. It was going to be for October, so I went through the moral dilemma of taking basically the entire month off work. But, eventually, as I always do, I got over it and ordered the tickets anyway.

Side note: I totally have a good work ethic, I promise. I’m just happiest when I’m not there. 😉

Anyway, fast forward a few more, get to Denver with my mama, who is a retired reader, aka she used to read all the time but now she does not unless it’s something I wrote, aka she’s the reason that I read, aka I’m not using “aka” correctly. The point is she went with me even though she was busy, and even though it wasn’t her thing. That’s a good mom right there. I’ll forever be grateful for her.

Seating was first come first serve, so we got there a couple hours early to get a good spot. Then we waited. And waited. And waited. Which I was fine with. She was not so much. She suffers from a bad back and the world’s smallest bladder. It’s true. Check the world record manuals. I’ll wait.

Actually don’t. I’m lying. Probably. 😉

So we wait a bit, she talks to some people near us, and I go into silent and stoic mode, carefully planning in advance what I will say when he signs my book the same way I plan how I order my food in drive-thru. I absorb the environment.

And go a little bit empty.

About that time, the event is about to start, and my mom jabs me in the side.

“That was him! He walked right by you!”

“Hmm?”

“That was Joe!”

Cue anxiety.

“Oh my god I didn’t even pay any attention.”

“I didn’t think you noticed.”

“Nope, nope, nope. I did not.”

So I sit there and can physically feel my eyeballs get huge and dry, and for a while I forget that blinking is a thing. My contacts hated me for it, but at that moment, I didn’t care. And in that moment, I wonder why I do these things to begin with. People in general scare me. People I admire are terrifying. But there’s one of two ways this can go. I can have myself a good old-fashion breakdown right there in the middle of the bookstore. Or I can plant my feet on the ground and white knuckle something until it’s all over.

In this case, I hold onto the book like a lifeline.

If it seems overdramatic, it’s because it probably is, but if you have anxiety, it’ll probably seem familiar.

Moving on, though. He comes out and seems just as chill as everyone says he is. He read a bit from a story, then opened the floor for questions. It’s a pretty standard book reading, from what I can tell. Not that I’ve been to a whole lot in my life, but eh, pretty straightforward of a thing. It’ll sound stupid, but I was enamored by him, not just because he’s a great author and someone I look up to, but because he was a real person. He was down to earth and funny and (I imagine) easy to talk to. Super friendly dude.

Always gotta appreciate a guy who shows up in screen print

So, his bit gets done, and it’s time to go up there and get books signed. Before our row goes up, I look at my mom and inform her that…welp…

“I’m gunna go mute for a bit.”

“What?”

“I’m going to be mute. I’m not going to talk. I’m going to forget how.”

“Starstruck?”

“I don’t know. Maybe a little? But mostly nerves making my voice not work. I’ll just stare and then leave. Blah.”

“No you won’t. I’ll go up with you and do the talking for you.”

Ladies and gents, I love my mama. We walked up together, he signed both our books, we got a picture, and went home happy.

He makes us look smol, but rest assure, we are quite tol

Which is partially true.

When my mom talked to him, she told him she wanted him to write something very specific. He’s on board, he’s chill, he’s like, alright, whatcha got for me?

“I want you to write: To Peggy, wonderful mother of daughter, Amanda, fantastic grandmother to her amazing grandchildren, total mother of the year, and now I’m done writing this and my hand has a cramp.”

He looked up at her confused. I looked at her mortified. And she bust up laughing and tells him she was joking.

“People always ask me what scares me most.”

“People like me,” my mom responds.

I’m not sure if you can fully appreciate the amount of mortified I was here

She got a kick out of the whole thing. Joe took it like a champ and didn’t roll his eyes. That’s a win in my book. ❤

Out of the whole experience, I took away a couple things. For one, I can’t give up writing. I’m probably never going to be at the level that he is, but I’m not going to get any better if I don’t keep trying. (Side note: I swear the creative writing stuff is better than the word vomit that happens here.) (For realsies.) (I have some stuff on Amazon if you wanna test me on that.) (Wink wonk.) For two, I need to get some self confidence and learn how to overcome the weird stage-fright I have. I swore to my mom that next time, next book signing, I was going to try to ask something during the Q&A, and that I will talk to him, even if it’s forced and awkward small talk, if I ever again get the chance.

BONUS VIDEOS

Book reading

Q&A

Have you ever gone to a Joe Hill event? If so, what did you think? Did you talk to him? Tell me your secrets.

Tag: adventures of an introvert

Manda and the Adventures of a Lifetime (or 2019: Go Big or Go the Fuck to Sleep)

Manda Kay and the Time She Met Joe Hill