My Work

A Step Up

There’s some good news, and there’s some not-so-good news. If you were here with me, I would give you the option of which one you wanted to hear first. Void that you are, you are always with me in some way, but in spirit. Not physically. Otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this blog post. You’d just be staring at me while I sit in the corner, silently trying to make words happen with my mouth but failing again and again and again.

All that silence is uncomfortable.

And the way you stare at me makes me uncomfortable

So maybe it’s better this way.

Since I am the one choosing the option on behalf of you, I’ll choose the not-so-good first. It’s nothing personal; I just don’t like to leave things off on a bad note.

Here it goes:

I will no longer be posting chapter five here and chapter six through my newsletter. I suppose I still could, but that would be dishonest of me, and I’m not about that life. If you wanted to see what Allyson was doing with some gifts she never asked for, you’ll have to wait. This isn’t my own decision. There’s outside forces at work here (not you this time).

Which brings me to the good news, which is I will no longer be posting chapter five here and chapter six in my newsletter.

“What?!” you collectively scream. “I’ve been duped!”

Nah, fam. Hear me out.

I won’t be posting them here or there because someone else is going to publish those two chapters exclusively for me. The reason being is that my submission for the Nebraska anthology, Voices from the Plains, was accepted. It’s due to come out in December of this year. More details on where you can pick up a copy (if you would like) to come at a later date.

I like to celebrate dangerously and with cute Halloween decor – https://www.instagram.com/p/CGyCJ_fgqev/

I’m absolutely thrilled for this opportunity. I hope it whets the appetite and stirs a little bit of excitement for the finished product. As far as the state of the novel, I’m hoping to have the final edits completed by the end of the year. I’ll have a special beta read opportunity for those who are subscribed to my newsletter, so if you like what you’ve seen so far, I’ll provide the sign up at the end of this post so you can be added to the list.

That’s about it for me. Come back next time for chapter three.

See you on the flip side.

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My Work

Zemblanity (or gotta clean up this mess)

Hey void. What’s up? I won’t keep you waiting for long.

It’s been a hot minute, but I have the second chapter of Zemblanity here and ready to go. In case you missed chapter one, you can find it here.

Fun fact: Allyson Alexander’s initials cause minor bullying at school since her dad is…er…was…a drunk. The AA jokes didn’t survive the first round of edits, and unfortunately exist only in my fleeting memory, because my dog decided a long while ago to pee on a bunch of my books and the first draft was one of them he chose to claim. He’s an asshole. He also has never peed on my books again. Seriously Jax. What were you thinking?

Without further word vomit, let’s see how Allyson is doing since shit hit the fan:

***

Chapter Two

            Tick

Tock

            Tick

Tock

            Tick

            Time and place sewn together in a blurred mass of grey. Allyson lost track of how long she sat over the corpse. Stray dogs barked and moaned from outside her house, her barrier. Streaks of daylight slashed through the shadows, carelessly highlighting the parts of her father she did not wish to see.

            Dead.

            Roger Alexander was dead. Nothing left of him but scraps of clothing and literal skin and bones. His body was stiff and dry, almost as if he was gone for years instead of hours (Days? She didn’t know, she couldn’t know). There on the floor, he didn’t look so big; his body collapsed on itself like a long dead spider.

            The first of many pangs of anxiety hit her, forcing her back to her feet to pace the floor in a set pattern she’d traveled many times. If he was still alive, she’d receive a hearty smack to the back of her matted head for the nervous habit. That was one thing she wouldn’t have to worry about anymore. She could pace when she wanted, watch what she wanted, eat what she wanted, do anything she wanted, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.

            On one of her back and forth trips, Allyson glanced at the mirror at the end of the hall. She took in air so fast it hurt her throat. She almost didn’t recognize her own reflection. Something was different from before, but it was hard to tell what exactly from this far away. She wanted to walk, but her knees shook so violently that she settled on crawling to the framed glass. 

            It was her face, but not the face she saw last night while playing dress up with her dead mother’s clothes. From bottom eyelid to cheek were ugly red scabs trailing like a river bed before tapering off to smooth skin. It was as if someone took a knife to her, but she had no memory of weapons.

            Trembling fingers reached for the first mark, and her body went cold all over. She touched the skin around it. It was sore, but otherwise felt normal. Slow, slow, her fingers came together, running along the divot. It burned to the touch. She didn’t pull away until she could feel her thoughts fuzz white.

            “Like static.”

            The words came from her mouth, but it wasn’t her voice. Not quite. Not as she remembered.

            “Bad reception. Something happened.”

            Different bits and pieces came back to her. Her tears were acid. They were acid and they ate through her cheeks and through his hand and through the wood. And then…and then…

            “And then what, Allyson? What did you do?”

            But it hadn’t been her. There was something else in the room with them.

            “It came from the shadows.”

            From the shadows in the hall, from the shadows in the floor, she wasn’t sure where for certain, but she knew it wasn’t from the light. It was hard to see at first, but it was there.

            “And it killed him.”

            There was no weight to the words. She told herself it was just the shock; that really she did care that her father was no more. But the more she thought about it, the less certain she was. With that uncertainty came and eerie sort of calm that she clung to like a lifeline.

            “You deserved it, you know.”

            Allyson sat on the floor for another good look of what remained of the thing she called Daddy. There was a hard lump in her throat that was hard to breathe past, and forced something that felt like a sob but sounded like a laugh. No one would believe it, not even if they saw it. Spiders shriveled when dead; not people. Not that fast. 

            “You were bad and you deserved all the bad things in the world,” she told the corpse. “You can’t just hurt people when you’re mad at them. You can’t just scream at them. There are consequences, Roger. And when you do bad, you have to suck it up and deal with the consequences.”

            For the first time since she could remember, she felt bigger than him. She held onto that sudden empowerment as tight as she possibly could, but it didn’t come as naturally as portrayed in the movies. Her grip was slippery.

            “Fuck,” she whispered against her open palm. “No one deserves to die.”

            The shock was wearing off, and fast. She didn’t hate him. Sometimes, she even loved him. It was a sort of sick game, she supposed, trying to win his affection, but they got by. He was all she knew, and now he was gone.

            Allyson stood and paced around his body. This couldn’t be real. Demons did not crawl from the depths of hell to claim the souls God had no need for. Human beings did not dissolve away to skin and bones. 

            And yet, there he lay. Empty eye sockets. Mocking her.

            Why did it feel so natural, so at home, when the beast from under the house smiled at her with those razor sharp teeth?

            “He probably died of a heart attack or a stroke or alcohol poisoning or a brain aneurysm and I made up the rest to make it interesting.”

            In fact, she should pick up the phone right now and dial the police or an ambulance or somebody to come make sense of the situation for her. Maybe an adult would have better luck wrapping their mind around it.

            She grabbed the corded receiver, her fingers hovered over the buttons, and she froze. If she involved adults, her fate was sealed. Not because she would be blamed, for no one in their right mind would believe a girl so young capable of such atrocities, but because she’d become a kid of the state. Allyson had no relatives that she knew of, and she’d seen enough classmates playing the foster home game to know what she’d be getting herself into.

            Besides, there was still the matter of the body. The recently deceased were supposed to have meat on them. Her father simply did not. She didn’t want to deal with the questions when she herself was still trying to figure out the details.

            Then again…

            “Bingo.”

            It was common knowledge around town that Roger was a recluse. A homebody. A deadbeat drunk on disability. It was a rare occasion to see him anywhere but the liquor store, and most times he’d send Allyson with his list anyway.

            It was possible, fully possible, to pull it off without anyone knowing he was missing at all.

            “He was already a ghost to them.”

            What did it matter if his body was above ground or below?

            “Speaking of which…”

            The house was on the outskirts; the last house before acres of farmland. Even if someone drove by, they wouldn’t be able to see the backyard through the weeds and trash littered about. Even so, she’d wait until the safety of nightfall. Until then, she’d move him closer to the back door. 

            It just didn’t seem right to watch tv in the same room as a corpse.

            Allyson couldn’t bring herself to touch him. She imagined his skin would feel like a plastic bag holding wet sand, with some bits crunchy as dried leaves. She was afraid of him splitting open or crumbling away.

            With an old towel to protect her hand from direct contact, she grasped his ankles and pulled. It was like moving furniture. Heavy at first, but with a little momentum, everything went fairly smooth.

            The closer she got to the door, the more aware she was of the sounds from outside. It sounded like a dog fight. A cat fight? She couldn’t be certain, but whatever it was sounded mean. Had they just started in, or did she just start paying attention?

            All her worries of a piece of her father snagging on a splintered piece of floorboard were unfounded. The only part of him that managed to work its way loose was a single tooth. She’d not have noticed had she not stepped on it in the middle of the kitchen.

Arms still shaky from exertion, she knelt down and cradled it in her hand. She meant to walk to the trash and toss it away, but her outstretched palm couldn’t bring itself to rotate. It didn’t seem right to put it there. Later she’d bring herself to believe that it was for her own safety. What if someone at the dump rifled through the bag and found the tooth? No, too risky. Instead, she placed it in the pocket of her dirty sundress.

            “I’ll figure out what to do with it later.”

            Burying it with the body crossed her mind, but she shoved it aside, convinced it was likewise risky business. Her fingerprints were all over it now. Then they’d know.

            “Know what?”

            A problem for a different day. For now, she was proud of a job well done. She walked to the living room and went to the chair—his chair. She flicked through the channels until she landed on something as dark and foreign as her current state of mind.

***

Photo by Jan Koetsier on Pexels.com

Jeezums. Does she have your attention?

I would love to hear what you think. Good, bad, let me hear it!

Come back November 8th for chapter three. And don’t forget to subscribe!!

My Work

Next Up:::

I’m doing things a little bit different this time around. Usually I do a book review every other month, but honestly, this book I’m reading right now is slow going. Ugh. I’ll get through it; it’s just taking quite a bit longer to get through because it’s not all that interesting yet even a quarter of the way through. I’ll power through, though. Because I’m a completionist. I’m also a masochist.

Anywayyyy…

You may remember a while back when I shared the first chapter of the novel I was working on. At the time, I entered it into a contest on Booksie. I didn’t win, but I did get a few nice messages about it.

Fast forward. I’m in the final stages of editing before I figure out how to write a book proposal and send it off to some agents and hope one of them bites. Things are moving along quite a bit faster than they did in the beginning, and it’s only going to move faster since I now have time set aside five days a week to write (thanks to my new job). I’m excited. And I’m terrified. But mostly excited.

Point? I want you to be excited with me.

I present to you the first chapter of Zemblanity (formerly Death in a Sundress). Then, come back around in another few weeks to get chapter two. I’ll keep the trend going until I get to chapter five.

Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss the next installment and future writing news from yours truly!

Without further adieu, here’s the first chapter of Zemblanity.

***

Chapter One

            She would ask. She was ready to move those little lips, too plump for her hollow face, in rhythm with buzzing vocal chords. She could visualize each and every word down to the font. But she could smell the whiskey from the other side of the room, and her question died on the exhale. Bothering him over something as stupid as a question about homework was akin to digging her own grave. When it came to her father, if the booze was out, most things were better left unsaid.

            She turned to go back to her room, and her heel snagged a splinter from the unfinished hardwood.

            Crack!

            Her foot, blissfully unaware of what two inches of wood lodged between skin cells felt like moments before, now felt full to the brim. Her moan was hushed, almost muted by the echo of neglected wood separating. It rippled the silence of the house, a drop in an ocean of quiet. Tears burned and spilled over, eyelashes catching the ones they could, hugging them tight.

            And then, a rustling from the darkened living room, a sound of papers and old food wrappers being crumpled and stomped. She could feel the bruises forming without him even laying a finger on her. The skin had a way of remembering.

            Before the inevitable blow, her eyes squeezed shut, almost as if not looking took the power out of the sting of pain or the bitter taste of blood.

            If I can’t see you, you can’t see me. If I can’t see you, you can’t touch me.

            She stumbled under the initial strike. Her legs struggled to regain their footing enough to keep her upright. Allyson knew better than to fall. If her legs gave, there would be no escape from whatever heavy steps and kicks that were sure to follow.

            He thrust his fist into the mess of black hair at the base of a poorly woven braid, forcing her to face him. Fingers spread, his hand was easily as big—if not bigger—than her twelve-year-old face. Even after years of priming, she could not stop herself from flinching, wincing, and, ultimately betraying her better judgment, crying out. Against her better judgment, she screamed.

            Allyson did not hate her father. Far from it. Roger Alexander was all she knew. He was more than hurt to her. Hugs and kisses and bedtime stories were not a foreign concept to her. They’d watch television together on the couch while eating overcooked frozen dinners. Sometimes there was a comedy, and they’d laugh, both of them, just like what she supposed normal families did. Other times there would be a show where people got hurt and it was supposed to be funny. He would laugh, and she would smile and pretend it tickled her in the same way, it she didn’t like the joke.

            Most of the time when she heard the glass bottles and aluminum cans echo through the empty hall, she stayed in her room. It was easier that way. Out of sight, out of mind. An unspoken rule of the house.

            No, she did not hate her father. In her own way, she supposed she loved him, just as she supposed he loved her.

            It was funny, she thought. Funny in a twisted, fucked up way. The situation was not new. If she was being honest with herself, she should be used to the whole thing by now. The pain always numbed after the white-hot stinging, and occasionally, she could find bliss in the sparse moments of feigned unconsciousness. It was funny because she knew she should just lay there unmoving and he’d stop, but she couldn’t bring herself to let down her guard just yet.

            Sometimes she thought she might be a masochist. Or was it a sadist? She could never remember the difference.

            Sometimes he’d make her waffles with extra syrup after he slept off the whiskey. Never was there talk at the wobbly kitchen table about the beatings, and for that, Allyson was thankful. It made it easier to believe that nothing happened when neither of them acknowledged why her lip was split and her eye was swollen. She never dwelled on whether or not he remembered hitting her. The pain was bad enough, but the shame was somehow worse.

            Roger struck once, twice, thrice, altering between the side of her face near her eye and her mouth. Each time his hand was open. In terms of beatings, she would have preferred his fist kiss her mouth with its dull, splintering ache than the sharp, screaming pain of those spread fingers.

            Her tears fell, hot and thick, heavy thuds to the floor. Through squinted eyes she watched as they burned small holes in the floor as if they were not tears at all, but acid. The smoky wisps that remained in the air were satisfying.

            Take that, floor!

            If anything deserved to be damaged, it was it in all its unfinished glory.

            Allyson didn’t notice the flesh falling from her cheeks in small flakes at first, or the way her tears tore into her skin to create river beds under her eyes. If there was pain, it didn’t register over the feel of her cheeks swelling from the contact of flesh against flesh. She did not notice the way the holes in the floorboards grew outward in web-like tendrils.

            The room grew unbearably loud with screams that were not her own. Her father took a step back and held the palm of the previously offending hand, moaning through gritted, crooked teeth. She watched wide-eyed, not comprehending, face hot and throbbing.

            “You bitch you little bitch what did you do to Daddy what did you do to me what did you—“

            And then silence.

            Allyson learned several things that night. For one, there was such a thing as overloading the senses. The nerve endings under her broken skin shut down from the force of his anger. She was deaf from the screams of both her and her father. Or maybe it wasn’t any sort of audio stimuli that stole her hearing away. Perhaps it was her eyes getting overwhelmed causing time and space to collide and morph into something that couldn’t be. Perhaps it all stemmed from the hooked blade emerging from her father’s unshaven throat.

            She really couldn’t be certain.

            It was as if she were watching a movie in slow motion. Her father’s fingers twitched one by one as he tried to grasp the hook in his burned, bloodied hands. His mouth opened and closed uselessly, reminding her of her classroom’s pet fish. Allyson didn’t think any air was getting through. She opened her own mouth to say something, but her voice wouldn’t work. They mirrored each other for what seemed like an eternity.

            The hall swallowed what little light normally pierced through the blinds in the adjoining rooms. Was it so late already? Staring into that darkness made her mouth dry, her throat tight. She thought she saw something behind him.

            This is it, she thought. This is when the hero runs to a different part of the house and grabs a weapon to defend themselves.

            But her legs were rooted to the spot. Her body felt like cement. Her appendages were nothing but for show.

            There was a light switch within reach, but something—be it intuition, if you believed in that sort of thing, or otherwise—told her it was a bad idea, as if whispered from the cracked walls. It was foreign; a different language altogether. She did not know the words, but she did understand the intent. In the darkness, it’s less dangerous.

            Here we are now, but that’s enough entertainment for one night, thank you very much.

            Her eyes had trouble adjusting to the empty black, but little by little, shapes came into play. Toxic, neon green eyes peered at her from behind a veil of thick black hair that was parted strategically as if not to obstruct its vision. Its wide, smiling mouth, while predatory, did not feel threatening. It would not attack her. If it wanted, she would be dead already.

            Anxiety wavered to disassociation. She smiled back at the creature. It, in turn, smiled wider than before, the skin stretched around its mouth like it wasn’t skin at all, but instead made from black powdered latex gloves. It formed around the bone structure too tight, too thin.

            Allyson felt nothing. Her father’s thrashings subsided little by little, until his body hung limp from the throat down. His eyes didn’t see her anymore. The hook retreated back into his throat and disappeared, leaving nothing but a large bleeding cavern in its place. Roger’s feet held him for a fraction of a second before his dead knees gave way to the full weight of his corpse. He fell forward with a dull thud, and Allyson kept standing.

            She wondered if he got a splinter on the way down.

            The creature crouched before her. Its nine eyes were missing the pupils, and no pupils meant she couldn’t tell which direction it was looking. Maybe nowhere. Maybe everywhere. All seeing. All knowing. It reminded her of a spider. Her father’s murderer stood unmoving, then turned its attentions back to its prey.

            The knife-like appendages complimented the sword-hook that had previously been in her father’s throat to create a gross interpretation of a human hand. From the hole in his neck, the hooked thumb cut with ease to the groin, blood spilling on the unfinished flooring, the wood soaking it in greedily.

            Allyson did not lose her footing, even when her father’s insides slopped to the side. The creature’s jaw unhinged, displaying impossibly long teeth proudly before diving in, claiming only organs and leaving skin and bone relatively untouched.

            This is fine, she thought. Everything would be alright enough, okay enough, because nothing was as bad as living with an alcoholic father for the rest of her life.

            No more bruises to explain to teachers or classmates or Zaque. No more picking up a twelve-pack for Daddy after school. No, this is fine, for the best, really, a jolly good opportunity.

            Allyson almost had herself convinced of all this and more when the creature gazed at her once again with its bloodied grin. And like that, the spell was broken. She screamed, as loud and as hard as any normal child would, with no idea that it would be the last bit of normalcy she would ever experience.

            The creature crawled back to the hole from whence it came. The flooring closed up as if nothing ever happened, leaving only a few tiny holes from her acidic tears to remind her.

***

Like it? Hate it? Leave a comment and let me know what you think! Check back here on October 25 for chapter two. Or, if you would like, you can subscribe to get notifications right in your inbox every time a new post is ready. I have new content every other Sunday at 8:00 am sharp!

Thanks for reading!!

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