Self-care isn’t pretty. Or at least that’s what a post said that made the rounds on social media. It’s not always bubble baths and soft music. Sometimes it’s learning boundaries and telling people no. Sometimes it’s coming to terms that your actions are toxic to yourself and others and dealing with the aftermath.
I’d like to expand on this, and I would go so far as to say that sometimes, self-care doesn’t make sense. And you know what, Void I scream into sometimes? I think that it doesn’t have to. So long as it helps ground you and keep you here on this wildly spinning, ever-changing planet, that’s all that matters.
So, Void, I present to you my arbitrary list of things I have to stay alive for. Here we go:
- I need to see Final Fantasy VII Remake in its entirety. I’ve waited almost my whole life for it.
- Phantom of the Opera in New York for the second time needs to happen.
- Giant pretzels in Vegas.
- There’s still a book or two left in me before I go.
- Gotta live or my mama would be sad.
- Getting married is important to me.
- I think my fiancé would forget to feed the dogs. Not all the time, but definitely sometimes. Plus, he’d get engrossed with something and not notice when they have to pee and that just makes the carpet smell nasty.
- There’s still concerts I need to go to.
- I want to ask Joe Hill a question the next time he does a book tour because last time I was too afraid.
- I want to meet Caroline Kepnes because she seems pretty cool.
- I don’t know what I want done to my body when I die yet.
- There are still so many more books I want to read.
- Tea and thunderstorms go so good together and I would miss it.
- I’d miss the strong feeling that happens after I work out.
- Being dead means no more blanket forts and I’m not about that life.
- It would probably take a long while for them to replace me at work.
- Can’t watch an endless stream of YouTube videos if I’m dead.
- I still need to prove the fuckers wrong who roll their eyes when I tell them I write.
- Good horror movies aren’t a thing when you die.
- Lifeless fingers can’t reach out and grab things in stores that look soft.
I could keep going, but I think you get the picture. It doesn’t matter why you continue to wake up day after day. Your motivation to keep pressing on can be as big as a religious need or as small as finishing your favorite anime. At the end of the day, it’s your reason for living, and anyone who tries to make you feel bad about that is a fucking piece.
Self-care doesn’t have to be pretty or productive or make sense. Self-care just has to ground you for a hot minute and remind you that there’s a reason to keep on keeping on, even if that reason is selfish—hell, ESPECIALLY if that reason is selfish. You’re allowed to be selfish every once in a while, you know. No one needs to give you permission to put yourself before others.
That’s all I really have to say this time around. I’m in a weird spot, but I’ll stay here. If not for you, then for my mama, or for thunderstorms, or for blankets (does it really matter why?).
I hope you’ll stay here, too.
Manda Kay Writes 